Savoring the Moment

So the clock is ticking, and I'm both depressed and excited at the same time, to be leaving.  Depressed at the thought of leaving because I love being here with Edi and Danni so much, cooking for them, spending time with them, helping them in whatever way I can, actually feeling useful.  My children are so special I will never tire of being with them.

And I really love spending time at the barn with the horses, I feel so at peace when I'm there, just being near them makes me happy. Grooming them, giving them extra hay, and treats in their bucket when they come in from the field, bathing them on sticky hot uncomfortable days, when I get more of a bath than they do "seriously"... I even don't mind mucking out, it makes me happy just to know they have a nice clean soft stall to lay down in, I scrub the water buckets, so that they are so clean even I would drink out of them, am I nuts?

I wander through the isles of the barn every day and sneak extra hay and carrot treats to all the other horses that are left standing in a dark barn, when I feel that they should be out in the fields, enjoying the fresh grass and the sunshine, they all look so sad, it breaks my heart.  Danni tells me off, saying I shouldn't give treats to other peoples horses without asking, because perhaps they shouldn't have them, and maybe she's right, but what can an extra flake of hay or a piece of carrot or apple hurt?  I know Danni's right, but I'm going to do what the hell I want anyway because I never live by other people's rules.

The trouble is now when I enter the barn and say hello to my horses, all the horses in the barn nicker and whinny, because they recognize my voice "it's the treat lady!" they all say to one another... and I can't resist, I'm buying 2 large bags of carrots a day, I really hope Danni doesn't read this...

Also I love having a fabulous kitchen to work in, and great, fresh ingredients just a stone's throw away, for the first time in 4 years I really feel as though I have a home again, but now I'm getting ready to leave once more!  The tomato plants I planted 6 weeks ago, are growing like triffids, and they're going to produce a bumper crop of fabulous tomatoes and I'm not even going to be here to enjoy them :o(

On the other hand I'm excited because going back to Daisy means new adventures, new lands to explore, and much more material for my blog, writing has become a real passion of mine, and living on the boat provides me with so much to write about. I shouldn't complain, especially since this trip Niki is coming with us, for 10 days at  least, so I'm really, really excited to be spending time with her.
But I'm still sad to be leaving, I don't suppose I can expect to have it both ways!