To Sleep, or Not!

Sleep is something most of us take for granted, at the end of the day we simply lay down, close our eyes and sleep takes us to a wonderful place where nothing is real, where we can float weightlessly among the clouds, without a care in the world.  It's a place where there are no problems, or responsibilities, no worries or pain.  The next morning we wake refreshed, rested and ready to face a new day.  But what happens when sleep eludes us, when the brain won't stop churning the problems in our heads over and over endlessly, and the harder we try to sleep the more impossible it becomes.

Sleep is important to good health, essential in fact, without it we become irritable, unable to concentrate, moody, and exhausted.  Lack of sleep can make you very ill, it doesn't hurt to miss the odd night here and there, but when it becomes a habit, lack of sleep can make your life really miserable.

I haven't slept well lately, I find it impossible to shut off when I have things on my mind, so I roll around in my bed wrestling with the pillows and sheets unable to get comfortable, until inevitably I get up, make a cup of tea, turn on the computer and start writing, which I do till dawn when I finally start to feel sleepy, but its time to get up...

It's likely to be a couple of months at least before I'm able to get a good nights sleep again.  My unbelievably complicated life recently became even more complicated.  It's said that the two most trying and difficult times in life are divorce and moving house, thankfully I'm not going through a divorce, but I am once again faced with the prospect of moving house.  I've moved 13 times in my life, and it doesn't get easier the more you do it.  The last two moves almost ended in divorce they were so stressful...

My upcoming move is going to be another real headache because of all the extra complications involved.  This time I'm not just moving from one house to another, but splitting up the contents of the house, and making decisions such as what and how I get my son's vehicles, furniture and stuff to him 3000 miles away in California without it costing a fortune, my youngest daughter moved into a place near her school (when I've found a place) and Bob's and my things moved to a house in Atlanta (when I find a house).  I have to move cars, motorbikes, mountain bikes, trail bikes, some of which are in pieces all over the garage, all kinds of boy toys and  associated tools and crap that go along with that. 

On top of everything else I have to sell Danni's horses, Travis and Sultan, Bob wants me to sell them before I move, and my lease is up at the end of April, so I don't have much time to find them the loving homes they deserve, and I've no idea how to go about doing that, I'm asking for help from people I know in the horse world, but I don't hold out much hope of actually getting any help.  

And then there's dear little Skye, at 17 years old she's been a real little trouper, but her tumor is so huge now it's half the size of her body, the radiation treatment that Danni spent all her savings on did nothing other than to cause litttle Skye to lose her hair and vomit all the time.  Danni and I spend all day cleaning up vomit and poo, and disinfecting the floor.   There's no hope of a recovery, she will only get worse as the tumor grows and there's nothing more we can do, other than to have her put to sleep.  Danni is taking her for her last walk in the park tomorrow, and then…  Skye's been part of our family for 17 years and very much loved,  I don't think she could stand the trauma of another move, she too has moved many times in her life.

OH the thought of another move.  I'm both excited and sad at the same time to be moving to Atlanta.  I'm really excited to be buying a house with my daughter Nic, it's going to be wonderful to be with her for the next couple of years, but I'm sad because I'm going to miss Danni so much.   

Since Edi moved to California last year I miss him more than I can stand.  I'm a real Mother hen, who wants her chicks under her wings all the time, I've never been one of those Mother's that couldn't wait for the children to grow up and leave, I'm like Miss Ellie (from "Dallas") who would happily have us all living in one big house together, not that Nic, Edi and Danni would be too happy with that arrangement.  

The sad fact is my children are no longer children, they've grown up and are now spread all over the States, thousands of miles apart, and I'm just a gypsy Mother moving house yet again while Bob sails happily around the Caribbean with his friends and my brother…  

I just can't get my head around all the things I have to do in such a short space of time, the logistics of it all are giving me such anxiety, I wonder if I'll ever sleep again, I wish I could be like Scarlet O'Hara (Gone With The Wind) she would say, "I can't worry about that now, I'll worry about it tomorrow".

If only I could do that, but for now as I'm still wide awake I'm going to go and make another cup of tea...