Small

Have you ever felt small?  I don't mean as an infant, but as an adult, just simply made to feel small  by something stupid that you did, or something that was said to you, or just the way someone speaks down to you.  It's really not that difficult to be made to feel that way, people can often inflict that feeling upon you quite unintentionally, I suppose it depends upon the person's state of mind, both in giving and receiving in a verbal exchange.  Sadly the more it happens the smaller one becomes in their own mind.

I remember something that happened to me about 30 years ago, an odd incident that for whatever reason I can't forget, and am occasionally reminded of it for the strangest of reasons. I was recently married and attending a business function with Bob, we were being introduced to someone (I really can't remember who) quite a tall (and as I recall, obnoxious ) man with a very self imposed, superior air of authority, I instantly disliked him, his manner was rude and dismissive, and he barely noticed me, (a typical MCP in my book).  Anyway my husband (always the gentleman) was making the effort to make conversation and be pleasant to the tall, unpleasant man, when I noticed a tiny little lady peering around from behind him, she was really quite small, both in stature and obvious lack of self-esteem, she seemed very nervous as she reached out her hand towards me to say a quiet, tentative hello.  I took her hand in mine warmly and started to introduce myself when her husband interrupted (quite rudely I thought) "OH yes this is Madeline my wife" he said and immediately dismissed both of us as he went back to his conversation with Bob.  The woman seemed visibly to shrink as he spoke, and lowered her eyes as she obviously thought she had spoken out of turn.  I felt so sorry for this poor little soul who had probably over the years been beaten (verbally) into submission by this horrible man, and had probably shrunk to her current tiny height through all his hurtful dismissals;  I clearly remember thinking "I'll never be that small, I'll never let anyone treat me such, that I become so small and feel that inferior".

Sometimes I struggle with feeling worthy of anything, when I do something dumb, or just make a stupid mistake, I think we all do at times, I do more than most it seems, but my memory of the little lady I met all those years ago is still so clear in my mind, it gives me the determination not to shrink and become small when being unjustly criticized or berated, but to dismiss it, rise above and move on.

The most precious gifts come in the smallest packages.