Facebook Friends?

I've been debating lately whether to keep facebook, and simply reduce my list of friends again, or get rid of it entirely.  My list of "true" friends is actually quite small, the rest simply fall under the heading  of "acquaintances, or people I met somewhere".

My initial intention when starting facebook was to keep my friends list small, and personal, just my family and very close friends, but then it grew, and before I knew it, the list was over 100, I deleted the people that really didn't need to be on there, and brought it down to the chosen few, but then over a year or more it gradually crept back up to over 100 again, about 80 more than I really wanted, sorry, but honestly how many people on my page actually take any interest in what I do, or what happens in my life?  Or, more to the point, how many people do I really want to know all my business, most of them could care less about what I'm up to in my life.

Facebook is like opening the door into our private lives, where people can come in whenever they like and just poke around, I honestly don't know how wise that actually is, and I don't think I've ever been that comfortable with it.  I know that Niki and Danni are both starting to hate facebook, and question why they bother to have it.

Facebook has become a place where debates and discussions, sometimes heated discussions take place, a place where you can lose friends as easily as make them, it's become somewhere to advertise and promote your business, something I'm afraid I'm guilty of, as I post links to my blogs on my facebook page. It's a place where you can post something in haste in a moment of anger or dispare, and then regret it later, but by then everyone has already seen it.  "Airing your dirty laundry in public", my Mum would call it.

I'm constantly refusing friend requests, and no one likes being turned down, so all facebook is doing for me is probably making people dislike me!

Facebook is also the perfect tool for the narcissistic among us,  providing endless opportunities to flaunt yourself shamlessley, as evidenced daily by those that litter their pages with hundreds of photographs of themselves, usually taken by themselves.    Facebook is a representation of ourselves, and it's actually a pretty accurate record of what we're truly like, but do we really want to be that closely scrutinized by every Tom, Dick & Harry?.
I think people sometimes forget that everyone everywhere can see the idiotic nonsense they post. I've had more than my fair share of lapses in that area, but fortunately not with inappropriate photographs.

I'm also throughly annoyed and irritated by those that use disgracefully composed sentences, being too lazy to use correct words, instead using single letters and symbols, bastardizing the English language into something almost unrecognizable, as a writer I find it offensive.

I must confess to the overuse of the tool that enables one to block certain peoples posts from appearing on my page,  so I don't have to see them unless I choose to, because they annoy me so much. Why are they still there, you may wonder?  Well, because even though the posts are annoying and stupid (to my way of thinking) I don't want to offend or hurt anyone by deleting them, and therefor making myself even more enemies.

I've never really exercised much restraint in freely giving my thoughts and opinions in my blog, but then no one has to read what I write, its a free choice to do so,  If I gave it a second thought I might wonder how many people have me blocked from their facebook page, I know of a couple, but its of little matter as I really don't miss them.

Facebook can be a good indication of who your true friends are.  With my friends, the ones that I consider to be true friends, they know who they are, they take the time to tell me they're sorry Danni's little dog died, or send kind messages when I'm troubled or sick, they make time in their busy schedules to drop a quick line just letting me know they're thinking of me, or simply add a comment or click the "like" button on one of my post's.   I appreciate those friends, their time, thoughtfulness and kindness.

Then there are the rest! Some care but just don't have the time, and some are not in the least bit interested, and I have to wonder why they're on my list at all, other's just want to be nosy and know whats going on, and then there are the narcissistic one's that use facebook to simply show off.  I'm pretty sure everyone on my list knows which category they fall into especially if they've bothered to read this.

Like it or not, facebook will be around for a long time, the question is how much longer will I be on facebook?

Skye R.I.P.

Danni's little dog Skye, who reached the ripe old age of 17, has moved on to a better place today, a peaceful place, without pain, discomfort, or sickness.

Until the tumor took over her little body 9 months ago,  everyone who saw her thought she was a puppy.  How many dog's look like a puppy at 16? A cuter little dog you'll never find.

The times when I was at home she would come everywhere with me, and people in all the local stores got to know her well, especially the staff in Michael's, who would always try to throw us out, saying dog's weren't allowed, but we broke the rules all the time, and because Skye was such a sweet little dog we often got away with it. Everyone who met her loved her.

The house is already empty without her.  There are going to be so many tears shed over the next few weeks, but I know we did the right thing.  How hard a decision it is deciding whether a part of your life has to end, no matter the reasons, no matter the logic, no matter the sense it makes, when you have to put an end to a life that you love, the pain is unbearable.

The radiation treatment that Danni spent all her savings on, in a desperate attempt to cure little Skye, did nothing, the tumor continued to grow and she grew thinner and weaker, all the food we gave her fed the tumor not her little stomach, nothing stayed in her body longer than a few minutes, within minutes of being fed it would either reappear as vomit or diarrhea.  And still the tumor continued to grow.

All our efforts, trying new foods, different medication nothing made any difference. Skye was a fighter, and she fought to the end, but it would have been cruel to have let her suffering continue.

Her passing was gentle and quiet, wrapped in Danni's arms, Danni who has loved her and cared for her for 17 years. Skye didn't put up a fight at the end, she knew she was loved, and in the arms of the one she loved the most, she trusted us to do what was right for her.  I pray that we did.

Little Skye Rest In Peace…

Skye Morgan 1995 - 2012

What Would You Change?

Life is all about lessons, the things we learn through time and experience, giving us wisdom that we try (often unsuccessfully) to pass on to our (all knowing) children.  This comment is not aimed at my children of course, they are obviously all quite perfect ;o)  But needless to say life's lessons are priceless.

I have to ask, is there anyone reading this that has at one time or another not asked themselves, if they could go back in time, what would they change, or simply just do differently, and what that change would have altered in their lives today.

The list of things I would change is sadly quite large:
If I could change just  a few things...
I would have gone to college and continued my English degree.  I regret more than I can say that I left school to take a job hairdressing, what a terrible waste of time that was, ( I hated every minute of it)  and all because I was so keen to simply get out into the big world and earn a salary.  (and a lousy salary it was too)

It was in my late 40's before I started writing again,  it was quite embarrassing how bad I was at it, I've since worked at it, and I like to believe that I'm much improved. I am at least published now. (hopefully that means something)

My skills in school were always in dance, English, languages and Art, and OH what a difference I could have made had I not cast them all aside, instead chosen one of them and followed it.  It's so sad that I had to reach my 50's before I realized the mistakes I'd made in my career choices.

In my teens I did ice skating for 5 years, and had a natural aptitude for it, 13 years of ballet had instilled the discipline in me to cope with the physical demands of the sport, I was fit and passionate about it, but I reached silver medal level and then stopped, just as I had with the ballet, to move on to other things.

I've always found joy and peace in my painting, but as with so many things in my life I dabbled at it instead of working at it. Instead of making it a career, consequently it's been a hobby that I love but has taken me nowhere.

Six years ago I agreed to sell our home and move onto a yacht.  This was possible a mistake, I've always hated boats and sailing, in fact anything to do with the water, but I love my husband and I wanted to please him so I agreed.
On a positive note it did boost my writing career, in as much as it gave me great material to write about. I started my blog, and I now have over 12,000 readers worldwide (thank you all so much for that) my readers seem to love what I write.
 
But now I'm off the boat, I'm struggling for material that will interest any of my readers. I can't help but wonder if is this yet another thing that I've started and not finished, taken it so far and then left mid stream...

I'm 58 years old, and still wondering which passion I should follow to make a career, the choices are now somewhat limited given my age and physical ability, but I still love cooking, painting and writing,  and I still have a thriving passion for all these things,  At least I'm never bored.

Who knows what the future holds!

To Sleep, or Not!

Sleep is something most of us take for granted, at the end of the day we simply lay down, close our eyes and sleep takes us to a wonderful place where nothing is real, where we can float weightlessly among the clouds, without a care in the world.  It's a place where there are no problems, or responsibilities, no worries or pain.  The next morning we wake refreshed, rested and ready to face a new day.  But what happens when sleep eludes us, when the brain won't stop churning the problems in our heads over and over endlessly, and the harder we try to sleep the more impossible it becomes.

Sleep is important to good health, essential in fact, without it we become irritable, unable to concentrate, moody, and exhausted.  Lack of sleep can make you very ill, it doesn't hurt to miss the odd night here and there, but when it becomes a habit, lack of sleep can make your life really miserable.

I haven't slept well lately, I find it impossible to shut off when I have things on my mind, so I roll around in my bed wrestling with the pillows and sheets unable to get comfortable, until inevitably I get up, make a cup of tea, turn on the computer and start writing, which I do till dawn when I finally start to feel sleepy, but its time to get up...

It's likely to be a couple of months at least before I'm able to get a good nights sleep again.  My unbelievably complicated life recently became even more complicated.  It's said that the two most trying and difficult times in life are divorce and moving house, thankfully I'm not going through a divorce, but I am once again faced with the prospect of moving house.  I've moved 13 times in my life, and it doesn't get easier the more you do it.  The last two moves almost ended in divorce they were so stressful...

My upcoming move is going to be another real headache because of all the extra complications involved.  This time I'm not just moving from one house to another, but splitting up the contents of the house, and making decisions such as what and how I get my son's vehicles, furniture and stuff to him 3000 miles away in California without it costing a fortune, my youngest daughter moved into a place near her school (when I've found a place) and Bob's and my things moved to a house in Atlanta (when I find a house).  I have to move cars, motorbikes, mountain bikes, trail bikes, some of which are in pieces all over the garage, all kinds of boy toys and  associated tools and crap that go along with that. 

On top of everything else I have to sell Danni's horses, Travis and Sultan, Bob wants me to sell them before I move, and my lease is up at the end of April, so I don't have much time to find them the loving homes they deserve, and I've no idea how to go about doing that, I'm asking for help from people I know in the horse world, but I don't hold out much hope of actually getting any help.  

And then there's dear little Skye, at 17 years old she's been a real little trouper, but her tumor is so huge now it's half the size of her body, the radiation treatment that Danni spent all her savings on did nothing other than to cause litttle Skye to lose her hair and vomit all the time.  Danni and I spend all day cleaning up vomit and poo, and disinfecting the floor.   There's no hope of a recovery, she will only get worse as the tumor grows and there's nothing more we can do, other than to have her put to sleep.  Danni is taking her for her last walk in the park tomorrow, and then…  Skye's been part of our family for 17 years and very much loved,  I don't think she could stand the trauma of another move, she too has moved many times in her life.

OH the thought of another move.  I'm both excited and sad at the same time to be moving to Atlanta.  I'm really excited to be buying a house with my daughter Nic, it's going to be wonderful to be with her for the next couple of years, but I'm sad because I'm going to miss Danni so much.   

Since Edi moved to California last year I miss him more than I can stand.  I'm a real Mother hen, who wants her chicks under her wings all the time, I've never been one of those Mother's that couldn't wait for the children to grow up and leave, I'm like Miss Ellie (from "Dallas") who would happily have us all living in one big house together, not that Nic, Edi and Danni would be too happy with that arrangement.  

The sad fact is my children are no longer children, they've grown up and are now spread all over the States, thousands of miles apart, and I'm just a gypsy Mother moving house yet again while Bob sails happily around the Caribbean with his friends and my brother…  

I just can't get my head around all the things I have to do in such a short space of time, the logistics of it all are giving me such anxiety, I wonder if I'll ever sleep again, I wish I could be like Scarlet O'Hara (Gone With The Wind) she would say, "I can't worry about that now, I'll worry about it tomorrow".

If only I could do that, but for now as I'm still wide awake I'm going to go and make another cup of tea...

A Sloth Thing

Sleepy in my tree
photo from sandiegozo.org

So here I am just hanging out in my tree, doing my sloth thing, dreaming while I sleep.  Haven't moved much in the

past few years, but that's OK, there's always tomorrow, I'll move a few more inches up this tree then , but I'm so 

comfortable right here I think I'll just hang out and sleep some more.

"Ouch, what's than poking me in my back"  I open my eyes and see this tall, fast moving, hairless creature with a 

long stick with prickles on the end, and a bucket.   Before I can do anything about it I'm falling through the air and 

.

upside down in the bucket.  

HELP ME !
photo from news.bbc.co.uk

  

The creature has taken me from my tree, and into a dark place with loud noise, and many other creatures, but some 

of them have hair, and are all looking at me with their strange scary eyes. I curl up into a tight ball and close my

eyes, hoping the creatures will go away and leave me alone, if I can't see them maybe they can't see me. 

I was so happy in my tree

Now we're going up higher, it's bumpy, something squeek's and there's a loud bang and a rush of wind, where we are

,

is lighter, then there's another squeek, bang and a rush of wind, now it's very light and I'm lifted out of the bucket and 

into a bright slippery shiny place. "OH no it's raining.  How can it be raining there's no sky above me"?  The rain is 

warm, I open my eyes through the rain and see 2 more of the strange creatures looking at me, one has very bright 

yellow hair and the other dark, they're staring at me and they move so fast. 

  

"OH crap what's happening now"?  The  water  is slimy, and there's bubbles, the hairless creature is rubbing my coat 

and making it slimy and bubbly and smelly, and ouch it hurts when it gets in my eyes it taste's nasty.

I'm all wet and slimy!
photo from flickriver.com

I'm so scared, I don't understand what's happening to me.  The bubbles get bigger as the creature rubs my back and 

my tummy, it smells funny, I don't like it.  Then comes more warm rain, this isn't like jungle rain, why is it so warm.

Now I'm lifted out of the slippery wet place and something is being wrapped around me, what are they doing?  it's 

dark wrapped in this thing, the creature is rubbing my fur, it smells funny.

Now I'm back in the bloody bucket again and I'm moving, suddenly I'm back in my tree.  I'm so confused, what 

just happened to me?  

Small

Have you ever felt small?  I don't mean as an infant, but as an adult, just simply made to feel small  by something stupid that you did, or something that was said to you, or just the way someone speaks down to you.  It's really not that difficult to be made to feel that way, people can often inflict that feeling upon you quite unintentionally, I suppose it depends upon the person's state of mind, both in giving and receiving in a verbal exchange.  Sadly the more it happens the smaller one becomes in their own mind.

I remember something that happened to me about 30 years ago, an odd incident that for whatever reason I can't forget, and am occasionally reminded of it for the strangest of reasons. I was recently married and attending a business function with Bob, we were being introduced to someone (I really can't remember who) quite a tall (and as I recall, obnoxious ) man with a very self imposed, superior air of authority, I instantly disliked him, his manner was rude and dismissive, and he barely noticed me, (a typical MCP in my book).  Anyway my husband (always the gentleman) was making the effort to make conversation and be pleasant to the tall, unpleasant man, when I noticed a tiny little lady peering around from behind him, she was really quite small, both in stature and obvious lack of self-esteem, she seemed very nervous as she reached out her hand towards me to say a quiet, tentative hello.  I took her hand in mine warmly and started to introduce myself when her husband interrupted (quite rudely I thought) "OH yes this is Madeline my wife" he said and immediately dismissed both of us as he went back to his conversation with Bob.  The woman seemed visibly to shrink as he spoke, and lowered her eyes as she obviously thought she had spoken out of turn.  I felt so sorry for this poor little soul who had probably over the years been beaten (verbally) into submission by this horrible man, and had probably shrunk to her current tiny height through all his hurtful dismissals;  I clearly remember thinking "I'll never be that small, I'll never let anyone treat me such, that I become so small and feel that inferior".

Sometimes I struggle with feeling worthy of anything, when I do something dumb, or just make a stupid mistake, I think we all do at times, I do more than most it seems, but my memory of the little lady I met all those years ago is still so clear in my mind, it gives me the determination not to shrink and become small when being unjustly criticized or berated, but to dismiss it, rise above and move on.

The most precious gifts come in the smallest packages.

OH for the love of England

Once again back in Ohio, and the weather is pretty typical for January, very cold, gray and rainy, somewhat  reminiscent of Wales ( the 7 years I lived there I think it rained most of the time).  

It was only a few days ago that I was in sunny Panama, and yes I'm missing the blue skies and sunshine, but honestly I don't miss the sweltering heat, being a Christmas baby I love the snow,  frosty mornings, and log fires.  I'm actually more comfortable in a cold climate.

My niece from South Africa has been in London for the past 6 months, and has just booked her ticket home because she can't stand the dark rainy days any longer.  January is often a miserable month, especially in London, but even in South Africa they're having rainy days, and when I think of living in a county where you have iron bars at every window and door, razor wire and electric fencing around your garden walls because of the enormously high crime rate, England suddenly doesn't seem that bad, even in the rain.

  

I miss so many things about England, in my mind it truly is the most picturesque country, the West Country and the Cotswold's are my favorite areas, with all their quaint little cottages, and beautiful flower filled gardens.  I love driving through the country lanes, where tall hedges form high walls at the sides of the roads, and tree branches overhang the lanes forming a thick canopy overhead. I love the solid stone buildings that have such a sense of permanence and history. I love the integrity of the British people,  the "what you see is what you get" no bullshit attitude. I love the way everyone rides their horses along the country roads, and the green, green fields that are full of grazing sheep and cattle.  The daffodils, bluebells and crocus that grow wild everywhere in Spring. I love the old country pubs with their log fires burning brightly in lovely inglenook fireplaces.  I get so excited about British produce, locally grown fruit and vegetables so delicious and bursting with flavor.  The cheese, OH the cheese, especially Cheddar cheese, produced in caves in Cheddar, there's nothing like it.  Yes, there are many, many things I love about my home country; so why am I not living there still, you may wonder?

England is a tiny island that has so much to offer, but on the negative side, and the reason we left to live in another country is quite simply the English weather.  I love blue sky, and rain free days, I love deep snow in the winter, but still with blue skies.  I love seasons; in England the seasons seem to all merge into one another, with no definite separation, October could be April, November could be March, August could be May, the seasons there seem to have evaporated. And yet I still miss so many things...

I love living in America, I love the weather here, even on rainy, cold January days, because I know those days will be of short duration, and the blue skies will be back in a heartbeat, I just have to wait it out.

Beautiful Wells Cathedral