Taking back the Reins

My life (emotionally) has been spinning out of control recently, as I've felt engulfed by the mountain of work facing me. Sometimes we have to be beaten down in order to find our way back up. I alone created this albatros, and I've allowed myself to become completely overwhelmed to a point where I can't make sense of anything. It's really important to know when to say enough is enough, deal with what you can handle and the rest will still be there tomorrow. I can relate the feeling to riding a horse, where I've lost the reins and my horse is galloping head first towards a cliff-face, while I'm aboard just barely holding on, crying and feeling sorry for myself, instead of fighting to take back control, grabbing the reins and steering away from the cliff. I've told myself to stop, take a deep breath, and look at the situation I'm faced with, so I can decide upon a "do-able" course of action. There's no one waiting to rescue me. No one really cares about my mountain of work or impossible schedule, or threatened nervous breakdown. Everyone has their own list of issues to deal with, their own pile of crap and problems. A strong person just gets on with it. Everyone keeps telling me how strong I am, although I haven't felt it recently. I think, at least I hope, that I started to do that today, well a little bit anyway. I created this huge impossible list of jobs, that need to fit into this rediculously impossible schedule, so basically I should be able to redo it. I'm here in one of the most beautiful islands in the world, and all I can do is feel sorry for myself, because I can't cope with my self imposed work load, how pathetic am I? Life isn't easy for anyone, I know that and life doesn't owe us a living either, nothing is handed to us on a silver platter. We are what we are, and we create our own happiness, as my daughter Daniela is constantly telling me. How brilliant am I that I gave birth to such a wise child! Well actually all three of my children are clever and wise, how did I manage that? maybe it was Bob's input, or maybe I actually had something to do with it. I really have to stop putting myself down. My first phase in improving my situation here was to move into one of the lovely resort cottages.

Daisy's Cottage

Dining Table on the porch

The View

Living room

The lovely, air conditioned bedroom

Galley style kitchen. For info on this fabulous resort go to www.lepharebleu.com - Now I have somewhere to escape the boat, and I'm no longer constantly faced with all the work I have to do. Another huge bonus of moving, is that I'm not breathing in the fumes from all the chemicls I'm using all day. I've been having headaches the last few days and the warnings on the product tell you how dangerous it is to breathe in the fumes. I just don't know how to apply the product without breathing in the fumes!!! Anyway, I'm now very happily situated in a beautiful little cottage, and I'm staying in Grenada another 10 days. Being able to leave the boat and come back to such (fume free) luxury is just wonderful. I feel like a different person, and don't even mind going to work on the boat all day when I can come back here and relax every afternoon… Why didn't I do this before?

When The Going Gets Tough

This is how I handle stress; when I feel under pressure I write about it. For years I wrote in journals, stuff that could keep a college full of physiology students busy for years. Today I write here, on my blog, for the world to read, why do I do that? I only know it helps me somehow. It makes me feel less alone because I know so many people read this. My Grandmother would fold her arms, purse her lips, frown and say I was "airing my dirty laundry in public" But such is life, we all handle our stress in different ways, most people keep it very private, I've never been one of those private people, with me what you see is what you get, I don't sugar coat or give false smiles, when I'm happy it's very obvious and the same goes for when I'm down. I don't disguise my feelings well. Right now, on Daisy, I am so completely overwhelmed with what I have to do and try and accomplish in the next 7 days I feel as though I'm suffocating. There's no way I'm going to get it all done even if I was to work 24 hours a day. This morning I was down on my hands and knees (again) trying to balance myself on the floor struts while reaching to sand around the edges of the galley, the dust was making me cough, the sweat was running into my eyes and stinging, my clothes were uncomfortable, wringing wet with sweat, my knees were painful from trying to hold my weight on the narrow struts which I kept slipping off while trying to shoo away all the flies, it suddenly all became just too much, and as I looked around me and saw how much I still have to do, and the mess I'm in everywhere, I just collapsed into a heap and sobbed for about an hour. I feel so alone here, I hate failure and I'm failing so fast its not even funny. Usually I can joke about this stuff and laugh at my inadequacies, but today I'm unable to find any humor in my situation. I offered to do this, I wanted to help, I turned down outside help because the cost of it was so extortionate and I was sure I could do it and save us some money. As usual I just bit off more than I could chew. If I just had one thing to do; the toerail, or the floors, or the doors, or any one of the other hundred or so jobs I've undertaken to do, I honestly don't think it would be a problem, but I have about 50 jobs started, nothing completed, and so much more to do I just don't know where to start. I'm procrastinating now sitting here writing this I know, but its because I'm so overwhelmed, I want to stick my head in the sand and pray it all goes away. Writing is my therapy, it helps me, and I now feel able to go back and start again, God help me I hope I survive this...

I'm So Bad!

Sorry guys I removed this post, things were said that perhaps shouldn't have been said. So it was better to remove it...

All You Can Eat and More!

Everywhere I turn I see more work needing to be done, I'm starting to feel completely overwhelmed. My list of jobs seems to have become a living thing that's breeding baby jobs which are growing before my eyes into bigger and bigger adult jobs. This morning at 5:30am I tackled a new job "delivered" yesterday! While taping around the toe rail our helper Terry used duck tape as he ran out of masking tape… Word of warning here "NEVER USE DUCK TAPE IF YOU INTEND TO REMOVE IT IN YOUR LIFETIME" I'm now left with the nastiest sticky residue that all the sanding dust has glued itself too, in the most permanent "never to be removed" fashion. Desperately searching the Internet for ways to remove the said residue, also proved quite useless. I tried in vain with different solutions, I also used denatured alcohol, that's usually quite good at removing that sort of sticky mess, but that was about as easy as pulling a car up a hill backwards. It took me 20 minutes to clean just 12 inches, and I have about 80 feet to do, "not in this heat!" So, as I sit here drinking my coffee and eating toast and messing around on the computer for a few minutes I decided I would do something else today. It's only 8am and it's already swelteringly hot, there is little to no breeze, so I'm happy for my little sheltered area on the floating dock, where I'll be in residence all day sanding all the galley floor sections.

My little work shop, providing me with some welcome shade.

Happier Times, I need to remind myself of them frequently while I battle the heat and the dust and the bloody duck tape residue, ARGHHHHHHHH… OH and just in case I'm not having enough fun... A little bee decided to sting me while I'm sitting here and that hurts like the devil. The razor toothed, invisible insects are also all out in force today, with no breeze to keep them away they're all busy excitedly arranging for an all you can eat buffet on the Daisy boat, with me as the main ingredient… OH yummy I'm in for a fun day! Don't you just wish you were me?

Heaven on Earth :o)

Sadly, it's not where we are right now. Despite the beautiful surroundings, lovely weather and friendly people, we still find ourselves up to our necks with the ever increasing list of jobs. Poor Captain Bob is becoming quite overwhelmed. It's not even as though the jobs he's doing are going well, each job started leads to another problem. The problem leads to a need for parts or equipment that we don't have and almost have to sell our souls to be able to afford if its possible. The boat parts suppliers all seem to be professional rip off artists; a part that probably costs $5, can be as much as several hundred, and then there's the shipping and the customs, not to mention the time spent in locating the parts and waiting for delivery. I swear you need the patience of a saint to work on a boat. On top of all the problems we're trying to deal with right now, we're also fast running out of time. Before Bob can leave here for Antigua (for the start of the World Rally) he has an enormous list of jobs that really must be completed before moving Daisy to the boatyard to have her hauled out and her bottom painted.

Bob only has 2 days left here before he leaves to go back to work in Europe and America, and he won't be returning until the end of November, and then he's coming home for a week for Christmas, so between now and the start of the Rally on January 6th, he has about 3 available weeks to do about 6 months work and no one to help him… Not a happy prospect, and one that is really beginning to tell on him, he's really feeling the pressure… I'm doing all I can but, sadly I'm not an engineer or a boat technician, I can't fix refrigeration, or replace pumps, or any of the other technical jobs he's trying to do, the toerail needs some major work to repair a crack before I can start the varnish, but we can't seem to find the right glue, or clamps to do the job, a trip into town costs us about 2 hours in time and $80 cab fare… So here we are "part" less, and out of time… My friend Lynn who flew out to stay with us this week, has pretty much had to entertain herself, fortunately this is a pretty nice place to be if you don't have work to do… So life aboard Crazy Daisy is pretty much living up to its name :o(

Broken Bits!

So this is how it goes, when working on a boat: You decide which job to start first, you get the tools out needed for the job, and set about deconstructing the 'said job' in preparation for the "repair"… You already have a time frame in mind for how long it will take to complete, anything from 10 minutes to an hour, but whatever you decide (or rather hope) it will be, you secretly know it will actually take much longer. To start with the 'said' thing won't come apart, when it finally does, after much bashing, teasing, cussing swearing and throwing of one's toys around, something breaks, or, as in the case of working on a boat, the said thing/part falls overboard into the ocean, lost to the fishes forever. This is followed by much more cussing, swearing, and toys continue to fly through the air. This small headache/disaster is then shortly followed by many frantic calls to whatever dealer, distributorship or supply store that can be located within a reachable distance from wherever we happen to be at the time. "OH yes" is their immediate response, "no problem, we can get that for you, but, OH wait, it has to be ordered from the mainland,and special shipped here, probably 5 or 6 weeks, and it's going to be X- hundred dollars, much more than you know it would be on the mainland, a $5 part can sell for $50- $100 in the islands). At which point we say 'OK" because we have no choice, as they well know. However, this is only the beginning of the sad saga of the shipped parts, because once the said part/parts arrives in whatever corner of the globe we happen to be currently marooned in, it's then held up by customs, because they also want their share of the pie. You then have to pay a "customs service charge" which is bizaar as they haven't provided a service, but you are helpless, so you pay up, and end up spending hundreds of dollars, hours and hours of wasted time, and much frustration all for a $5, 5 minute fix (anywhere else in the world)..

Fantastic!

Well scrub yesterdays post, no last coat of varnish on the galley doors for me! The work was not up to Captain Bob's standard, so I have to take all fittings off and re-sand and varnish every single door. Sometimes being married to a perfectionist is a bloody pain in the neck. And the amount of work ahead of me is so overwhelming my head is spinning, I'm going to have to be a miracle worker to get even half of it done, bearing in mind I have to meet the highest of standards… I'm so sick of the dusty mess we're living in, I've been eaten alive again by the invisible insects with jaws, my legs are covered in bloody scabs, and I itch all the time… crap, crap, crap… How I love boat life!!!

My Reason Why!

So, here are just a few of the reasons that I've not been posting on my blog this week...

Daisy deconstructed, working on Diesel engine, and generator, sanding and varnishing the salon table and every other wooden surface!

My collection of galley doors, and companionway step outside getting final coat of varnish...

Fitting new solar panels...

Entire toerail waiting for finishing touches before varnishing...

Navigation station, deconstructed… Living on a boat really is just maintenance in exotic places...

Drunken night at the Bar!

So, hard work and exhaustion often lead one straight to the bottle, or, in our case the bar at Le Phare Bleu. Pizza, champagne, beer and cocktails do not a great mix make! But it didn't slow us down, we had a great night. My favorite, absolutely, worlds best barman, Rudell, along with Rachael, took great care of us tending to our drink and food needs, and managed somehow to keep us in control (well almost in control, from what I can remember) at least we got back to Daisy without falling off the dock into the ocean LOL… I have a vague somewhat drunken, silly call to Edi and Paige, hopefully they will forgive our stupidously, incoherent, drunkeness at least it was a happy call...

Bob helping (hmmmm) Rudell behind the bar…

Rachael patiently humoring her very silly, somewhat drunk customers...

Hard commute!

Most of us moan and bitch at times, usually all about nonsuch, nonsence, unimportant stupid stuff, I'm the worse for this, I'm always moaning or bitching about something, thinking "why me?" And occasionally something will happen to slap me back to reality with a real wake up call, then I realize things really ain't that bad! I've only been back in Grenada for five days, on Daisy working my little butt off sanding like a crazy person and getting ready to varnish. Daisy is alongside on the dock, actually on the T Dock, so we look out to the little island just off the far point of the peninsula off our part of Grenada. The distance from the mainland to the little island is probably less than a quarter of a mile (bear in mind I'm useless at guessing distance)

I believe the island is privately owned, and rumors run riot here at Le Phare Bleu as to the identity of owner of the island, is he a drug lord? or someone famous, or just a nobody with a shit load of cash, anyway he's built/building two amazing houses on the island, he has a dock and a very fancy motorboat, and he's apparently not very friendly. But then if you think about it, if you wanted to be surrounded by nosey parkers you wouldn't buy an island to isolate yourself on, would you? He obviously wants his privacy, but that doesn't stop people gossiping! Anyway, I digress, the point of this blog… The other morning, well several mornings actually, I've noticed this guy with a back pack and a long stick, walk down the VERY steep hill to the shore, climb carefully along the rocky shoreline and then proceed to make his way "on foot" across the ocean between the shore and the private island.

This photograph shows the distance he has to walk! He is sometimes up to his neck in water, but he carries a stick to locate his way, and obviously knows the path across. This journey takes him about 45 minutes. He then goes to work on the construction site, at five he makes his way back across the water to the mainland clambers along the rocky shore and walks up the very steep hill home… And I thought I had it tough, talk about a hard commute!

This photograp[h appears twice on my blog, but its one of Bob smiling and looking happy, not something you see too often, he is talking to his Dad on skype, and that usually makes him smile...

Photographs of Le Phare Bleu

Drunken Dinghy Fest...

So, here I am at last back in beautiful Grenada, at the fabulous Le Phare Bleu Marina and Resort. I thought I was coming back to varnish Daisy's toe rail. It wasn't until I was on board that Bob informed that the entire boat's interior needed varnishing. And I have only two and a half weeks to do it. This is a job that could easily take a month maybe two. Fortunately, realizing it was more work than even I (the varnishing queen) could manage, Bob enlisted the help of a local to do the sanding on the toe rail.

Photo of Le Phare Bleu... I had decided to take it all the way back to the bare wood, but after an hour of serious sanding I'd only finished about five feet of rail and there's at least one hundred and thirty feet, at that rate I'd never get the rail finished in time, let alone all the woodwork throughout the boat. So, the hired help was gratefully received. We managed to finish our days work at a respectable hour (before dark). The resort was hosting a dinghy fest in the next bay. There was a floating platform with a bar, reefed to a barge, and Dieter's Swan (sail boat) was anchored and reefed alongside the barge. Along with about 50 dinghy's all filled with all the yachties that are anchored in the bay.

Crazy Dinghy Fest... It was a crazy sight, this huge conglomerate of people all gathered in the middle of the bay, singing, dancing and generally acting like idiot teenagers.

Our launch dropped us off and we grabbed a couple of beers and joined the drunken group, as with everything in our lives we were among the last to arrive. The live band were hyping up the atmosphere and everyone was dancing, waving their arms in the air and singing along. To my surprise even Bob started to dance! There was a real carnival spirit. Having only arrived in Grenada two days ago I was seriously pale, and next to all the deeply tanned sailors I looked a little out of place, not that any of the drunken sailors cared. The party continued until dusk.

Bob on anchor duty, on the Swan... Instead of taking the launch back to the marina we made the return trip on Dieter's swan. It was a quiet sail under a full moon and totally amazing, the sea was really calm, the breeze was like silk on my skin, it was wonderful,although sadly too short. But then all good things come to an end. Back at Le Phare Bleu we headed to the restaurant for Pizza night. The restaurant was filled with the noisy group from the dinghy fest. Fortunately we found a table outside by the pool where we ate really delicious pizza's under a moonlit sky next to the ocean. Days or rather nights like this don't happen often enough.