mugglefuzzledditzyblond WHAT!

Following a couple of weeks of almost losing it, wallowing in a deep pool of self pity and depression, Danni finally gave me a stiff kick in the pants, telling me to get a grip and get on with my life positively. “We make our own happiness, and can’t blame the world for our problems” she reprimanded me; I then spent a sleepless night tossing and turning and wrestling with my pillows, a pastime I’ve become inordinately good at lately, while the mixing pot of negative thoughts churned around in my brain like clothes in a tumble dryer. I wondered exactly how I was going to reclaim my positive, happy attitude and stop worrying myself into an early grave.  The anxiety attacks I had been experiencing over the last couple of months were getting worse and worse, and my sleepless nights were really beginning to take their toll on me Danni’s words rattled around in my brain, and I couldn’t escape the truth in them, I had to make some serious mental adjustments, I was seeing negative in everything, and crying most of the time, how could I have allowed myself to become this pathetic, emotional wreck?

I did finally manage a couple of hours sleep that night, not because I was able to still my overactive brain, but because exhaustion took over and I fell into a zombie like coma.

I woke the next morning and just decided that I was going to be happy, and look for the positive in everything instead of the negative.  Miraculously it worked, I felt as if a weight had been lifted and a bright ray of light had replaced the black aura that had engulfed me over the last few weeks.

I started my day with a smile, and a determination that nothing was going to wipe it off my face or get me down.

This next incident would have quickly sent me spiraling into another emotional breakdown a couple of days ago, but today I had convinced myself to see only the positive…

I had been driving Bob’s Porsche over the last couple of days, Danni’s car was at the shop, so she had been using mine.  I don’t usually like driving Bob’s car I’m always nervous something is going to happen. I’ll accidentally scratch it or do something to spoil its immaculate, pristine, showroom condition, but if I wanted to get about I had no choice.  So there I was driving to the store when I had a call from someone who was interested in some furniture I had put on Craig’s list the night before, could they come and see it right now, they inquired; I said I would go right back and meet them at the house, so I immediately turned around and headed home. I had to wait at the train tracks, something I’ve never had to do before, but I enjoyed watching the train roling past,  realizing I was going to be late back, as soon as I was past the tracks I flew (something that’s quite easy to do in a Porsche) right past a waiting police car… “Crap, crap, crap I exclaimed, now I was not only going to be late but probably pick up a ticket as well. Sure enough there was the flashing lights and siren pulling up behind me, I pulled over and wound the window down.  In my wing mirror I saw the policeman walking towards me.  “How are you doing today?” he said with a smile.  “Fine thank you” I replied sheepishly.  “I pulled you over because you don’t have a front license plate, which is required by Ohio law.” He actually smiled at me as he said it, and it wasn’t a sarcastic smile but a genuine one.  “I’m so sorry, it’s not my car, and I’m moving to Atlanta.”  Quite why I said that I don’t know, it was the truth, but still a weird statement to make.  “Can I see your license and registration please?”  I fumbled around and gave him my license, but couldn’t find the registration.  “OH dear I can’t find it,” I said, as he looked at my license, “Is this your home address?”  OH more crap, crap, crap, “No, I moved, but I haven’t changed it yet because I don’t know where I’m going, I’m sort of in between, OH here’s my car insurance,” I said handing him my card.   “This is for another vehicle” he said,  “yes I know that’s my car, this is my husbands car, but its in our son’s name, because my husband doesn’t live here, so its been off the road for 2 years, I just drove it today because my daughters car is in the shop so she’s using mine, but I did insure it, you can check.”  I noticed he was starting to look confused,  “OH look here’s the insurance card for this car,” I said excitedly handing him the card.  He took it and scratched his head, “this is out of date!” crap, crap, crap… “OH yes but I promise you the car is insured, you can check.”  Why did I keep saying that?  “So where do you live?” he asked looking as if he really didn’t want to know the answer.  Previously this question would have quickly reduced me to tears.  “All over the place, actually, I don’t have an actual home, I’ve been staying with my youngest daughter here, but I’m moving to Atlanta with my other daughter, and I’m going to be living with her, but I actually live on a boat in Panama or rather I have been, so that’s sort of where I live, but I’m on my way to Atlanta.” 

He smiled, “I have a friend moving to Panama.”  “Really! That’s nice, will you get to visit?” I asked.  Our conversation then went on to discuss Panama for a few minutes.  “I was actually on my way home to meet someone, I’m selling furniture and I have to meet the buyer.”  I said hoping that he would let me go quickly before I missed my buyer, I was already so late.  “I’m going to Atlanta.”  He looked confused again; “you’re driving to Atlanta now!”  “OH no, not till the end of next month, I don’t have a house yet!” I smiled my prettiest smile, I could tell it was all a bit too much for him; he was really starting to look confused. “Tell you what, it seems as though you have a lot going on right now, and since you’re moving to another State, I’m going to let you off with a warning, I’m going to go and write it up now.”  I watched him walk back to the police car, and waited while he wrote up my warning ticket, then I called Danni to let her know I was running late.

The policeman give me my warning ticket and I thanked him for his kindness.  He smiled and wished me luck, happy to see the back of me I’m sure.

I think I got away without a ticket because of my happy, positive attitude, but it could also have been because I confused the crap out of him, we will never know.