Bedside vigil

Sorry folks, I won't be posting anything for a while, my family and I are conducting a bedside vigil for my Mother-in-Law, who suffered a massive stroke on Friday night.
Please pray for her.
God Bless

Beauty Sleep...

After 5 days (and nights) of not really sleeping, I've come to understand how the expression "beauty sleep"came about.  Sleep deprivation brings about some scary stuff... Right now I have black shadows that no amount of makeup could cover, and bags under my eyes that could hold a grape, my skin is lifeless, and I'm starting to resemble something that crawled out from the crypt.  Not to mention that I'm unbelievably crabby, much more so than normal (if you can believe that).  Does this mean I've caught insomnia?  Can you catch insomnia? Will I ever sleep again?  That's how I feel right now.  I really, really need some "beauty sleep", I'm so exhausted like I could fall over, but if I try to sleep my brian goes into top gear and I'm suddenly wide awake again, I'm also starting to understand the expression "asleep on your feet" except that I'm not!  I've been getting lots of work completed on my book, which is great, but at night in bed I just spend hours playing bejeweled and zombies, because sleep eludes me and my brain won't concentrate on reading... On the up side, I've got some brilliantly high scores at bejeweled, but I would rather be sleeping. I'm beginning to look like a zombie :o(
Anyone got any safe and effective sleep inducing ideas?

Ground- Breaking News!

This could take a few of you (especially those of you who know me) by surprise.  But, life is all about changes, right!  Anyway, I made this decision a few months ago, which is a huge, ginormous, incredible change of mind on my part, and I haven't said anything before because I always change my mind for a pastime, but, anyway,  here it is, are you sitting down?

I've decided I'm doing the circumnavigation with Bob in 2013.  

Yes it sounds like a long way off, but time fly's, and I know the day will be upon me before I can blink.  I just figured, why not, yes I hate sailing, but that's really only because I'm so scared, and I'm scared because I'm usually alone on the boat with Bob, and I'm always so worried that if anything happened to him, like falling and hitting his head, or falling over board, or God forbid having a heart attack or something, I would be all alone trying to take care of him, and dealing with the boat all by myself, for me that's a really, really scary thought.

But, for the circumnavigation we will have other (sailors) on board with us, and we will be sailing with at least 30 other boats, so what's there to be scared of ? ( this is what I'm telling myself so please don't try and convince me otherwise)
Anyway now that I know I'm doing it, I'm actually quite excited, and it will be great material for another book. I keep thinking about the Galapagos Islands, and Australia, and Bali and so many other incredible places, why did I ever think I was going to miss this opportunity.

I'm now really looking forward to returning to Daisy in November, and Christmas in the San Blas with my family, and then 2012 in St.Maarten, working on Daisy getting her ready for the around the world trip.

I still can't really believe that I'm going to do it, this has always been my biggest nightmare, so it just goes to show, things change...  I'm leaving the door open to fly back at any time just in case I just can't deal with it, so I do have a way out if I really can't cope, but like my current quest to lose weight, I've now made it public, so I have no option but to follow through, or be prepared to lose a lot of face if I chicken out..

So, now I'm busy making plans for a round the world trip. "WOW", did I really say that?  Roll on 2013...

Airline Travel, What a Joy!

I actually remember the days when traveling was fun, it was easy and totally stress free, we could just buy a ticket, and jump on a plane carrying whatever we wanted.  We could even check as many bags as we liked without incurring all those  expensive extra charges we face today.

Travel really isn’t much fun at all these days, I’m referring to all the stress inflicted upon us, us of course being the traveler, stress brought about through all the(necessary) airport security .  The innocent traveler passing through airport security today is made to feel much like an inmate from a prison, rounded up and marched in an orderly line to face the firing squad.  While little Hitler’s in uniforms shout and yell instructions at us, and lord their power over us like prison guards

Once we’ve removed our shoes, hats, coats and belts, and emptied our pockets of keys, phones and coins, removed the Mac from the bag, taken off our jewelry, and wished we hadn’t worn the underwire bra that day.   We tiptoe barefoot through the x-ray machine, that probably emits damaging radiation, doing God only knows what to our bodies, and always beeps, probably because of the underwire bra.  Then we're subjected to standing arms out while some 12 year old in a uniform runs their hands over your body, and up your skirt, and some purvey looking guy is watching the screen and probably lusting after the naked body he’s seen through the x-ray screens, and all this before we attempt to collect our belongings that are piling up at the end of the conveyor belt, and are probably being grabbed by security for extra checks, because we left a forgotten tube of toothpaste in the bottom of the bag.  

I’m always throughly exhausted, and horribly sweaty before I even begin the marathon trek to the departure gate, which has more often than not been changed to another terminal at least 30 minutes walk from the original gate.  I have yet to board a plane while not in a sweaty horrible mess, all attempts at nice hair, and perfectly applied make up are totally blown out the window,  you're a mess before you take off. 

Once finally on board you discover that the exit isle seat you requested, and was confirmed by the ticketing agent at the desk, is in fact the middle seat near the back of the plane no where near the exit isle, and all the overhead bins are full, so you have to stuff your carryon under your seat, giving you no leg room at all, and then you find you're sat squashed between two fat people that fart.

But, just incase idiot ticketing agents,  airport security, and gate changes weren’t enough to stretch your tolerance level’s to the limit, you then discover that you have a family sitting in the seat’s behind, with a small child that thinks its great fun to kick the  crap out of the back of your seat, and bang the tray table up and down because it likes the noise it makes, and then proceed to scream at the top of it’ s lungs for the entire rest of the trip. 

OH the joys of airline travel…

The Hurdle

See this is what I'm up against, and where my will power will truly be put to the test BIG TIME!  I'm working on the final edit for my book, and I now have to test each and every recipe before the book goes to the publishers, this means cooking, and tasting each dish.  As many of the recipes contain poultry or meat, Danni will not be able to help in the tasting.  Edi is not here other than the occassional weekend, so I can't rely on him to help with the tasting.   My deserts are not exactly waistline friendly, it's going to be a major challenge. What am I going to do with all the food I have to make ?    Fortunately I have Steve here, but only some of the time, and there is only so much he can eat, and my freezer is full so...
Help Me!

No more cup cakes for me!

My Not so Secret, Secret...

Second day into my "new life style eating." The quest is on, to get into a bathing suit again, respectably, without making a public spectacle of myself, and becoming one of those people that cause raised eyebrows  because of my inappropriate attire.  I've always been very quick to pass judgement on both men and women that strut around publicly in too tight, skimpy clothing, when they really just shouldn't; anyone who reads my blog, will be very familiar with my thoughts on men in speedos, and women over the age of 35 in a 2 piece, it's just wrong.  Believe me, in the Caribbean you see it all, people on vacation have no shame.

If I can't lose this weight, there's no way I'll be seen anywhere in a bathing suit this Christmas.  I'll just have to swim fully clothed, but at least I won't scare the fish.

I've had so many e-mails from people since posting yesterday, asking what I'm doing to attempt this weight loss.  My answer is no secret, sorry, I wish I had the miracle cure, but honestly the only way to successfully lose weight, and keep it off is by using sheer will power.  I can't give up yummy delights, they make life worth living, if I have to cut a food group that I love, out of my life, I know the diet will fail, so I'm just eating smaller portions, and counting calories, it's a bit of a pain at first, but it's surprising how quickly you learn the calorie content in foods, and for me it's worth it, because I don't have to give anything up.

Also, I have my trusty i-touch with its "Lose It" program, which makes this whole process so much easier.  I set a daily calorie limit of 1550 calories, which honestly doesn't restrict me too much, I'm just careful with my choices, if I want a slice of chocolate cake, I'll have one, but a small piece, and then add the calories into my i-touch, which counts for me, so I can see at a glance how many calories I have left for the day.  At 1550 calories a day my weight loss will be slow, but hopefully steady.  Remember if you lose weight quickly it's mostly water weight, lose it slowly and you lose fat. I carry my i-touch everywhere with me and put everything I eat and drink into it, so there's no cheating, or forgetting.

Honestly I've never been very good at sticking to a weight loss plan, but I am quite serious this time, and having made my intentions public now, I'll be forced to stick to it, or be really embarrassed.

I have to just finish with adding that America is not the easiest place to lose weight, there are so many ways here to fool yourself that you're not overweight;  for example here I'm a size 12- 14, in England I'm an 18 - 20.  The way the clothes are labeled here fool you into thinking you're smaller than you actually are, and if like me you don't have a full length mirror, it's easy to miss all the weight collecting around the nether regions!

Is This Possible?

As embarrassing as this is to write I'm quite determined to do it.  I'm already making preparations for my return to Daisy in November, which of course brings about the very scary thought of me in a swimsuit again.  

All my suits are looking just a little more than a tad tired, I'm ashamed to say I have over the last couple of years stretched them to the limit, and the fabrics are now breaking down and screaming for help.  I've not  been able to bring myself to buy new suits, because my growing passion in the culinary arts has gone hand in hand with my steadily increasing waistline.  Not to mention the horror I feel when I try on a swimsuit and see how it looks, I could easily double for Sponge Bob Square Pants!   

If you were to browse through my "Daisy's Galley" blog you would see exactly why there is now so much more of me, and honestly I'm no longer in a position to criticise other people for their inappropriate beach wear.

My concerns about my appearance really hit home when I was shopping with my Mum in Weston last month,  and I caught sight of my reflection in a shop window, that horrific revelation was closely followed by my needing a size 20 in a t-shirt in Marks and Spencer's.  Typically for me (lately) I brushed off the reflection by kidding myself that the glass was bent therefor making me look bigger than I actually am, and that Marks and Spencer clothes are always much smaller than the labels say.  Anyway, I get home and put on my new (size 20) t-shirt to show my Mum and she says " I think you could have done with a bigger size" (I hadn't told her what the size was) that remark coupled with the fact that the size 16 pants I bought with the t-shirt wouldn't do up, opened my eyes!  I really can't fool myself any longer that I'm OK, I'm officially FAT!

So, what to do about it?  I don't agree with fad diets, or any diets actually, they only work as long as you stick to them, and the minute you stop dieting and return to your normal way of life, all the pounds you lost pile back on, and then some...
There are, and never will be miracle weight loss tablets, or miracle cure's for weight loss that's permanent.  The ONLY way to lose weight, and keep it off is to adjust your life style.    Learn to embrace sensible eating, and adopt a doable exercise program.  

All these silly diets where you only eat grapefruit, or cut out all carbs, or dairy etc, etc, etc are all designed to help you lose weight fast, but if it comes off fast it will go on fast too.  You have to ask yourself when you're doing whatever diet your doing, can you do this for the rest of your life?  If your answer is no then forget it, you'll be yo-yoing your weight, and jumping from one starvation diet to the next forever...

The trouble for me is I really love cooking, and eating, and drinking wine, and margarita's and no I can't give up any of those things, I would be fooling myself if I thought I could.  

Over the last couple of decade's I've skipped from one fad diet to the next, you name it and I'm sure to have tried it, and yes, they all worked, but each time I slipped back into my old routine of eating whatever whenever, and turning the mirror to face the wall so I couldn't see my shame,  the pounds steadily packed themselves back on.  

There are a million excuses for not doing something positive about your eating habits, like, I'll start my diet on Monday, or after my vacation, or after Christmas, or I need comfort food because I'm feeling down, this attitude is a guaranteed recipe for failure.  

Determination is required, coupled with an eating /drinking program that suits you as an individual.  

I made the decision that I have to do something different before I'm forced to start buying elasticated waist's and shopping at Burlington.  My daughter Daniela has been nagging me for months to do something about my weight, as she is really concerned for my health.  I've put off, and put off, for the last few years making any changes because I hate being hungry, and I hate not being able to eat and drink all the things that I love.

So, I've set myself a sensible, achievable goal, that includes all the foods I love, bread, chocolate cake, risotto, pizza's, curry's, scampi etc, all incorporated into my new eating regime.

Starting right now...  Wish me luck :o)